Every Who
Down in Who-ville
Liked Mustaches a lot...

But the Grinch,
Who lived just North of Who-ville,
Did NOT!

The Grinch hated Staches!
and Mustache growing season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were to tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his stache was two sizes too small.

And the more the Grinch thought of the Stache competition
The more the Grinch thought, "I must go on a mission"
"Why for seven long years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop Stache Bash from coming!
...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE GRINCH
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

so he grabbed some scissors,
a disposable razor,
a can of foam
And an electric shaver

Then he snuck through the city
finding stache growers there,
and while they were sleeping
he shaved their lips bare

and he found all the money
that they'd got for the kids
stuffed it all in his pockets
it only just fit!

And when every grower was totally bald
the Grinchy sat back to wait for the call,
to wait for the cry, for the wail when they found
that his was the only stache left in the town

"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Who-ville!
The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Was at Stache Bash! Without any Mustache at all!
He HADN'T stopped Sweetest Stache from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without lip fuzz! It came without cash!
"It came without anyone having a stache!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Mustaches," he thought, "don't come from a store.
"Maybe Mustaches for Kids means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?
Well...in Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small stache
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his mustache didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought them all falsies! And brought back the cash!
And he...

...HE HIMSELF...!
The Grinch won the Stache Bash!

Status: Captain Oates

Had to record this. This morning, not only did I get peanut butter stuck in the corners of my stache, but on the way to work it was so cold that I actually got icicles of condensation in it! I take this as a Good Sign.

Status: Final stretch

Thursday 8th was the the 3rd and last checkpoint. BTW I highly recommend The Bushwick Country Club. If they'd had Delerium Tremens on draft I might have considered moving to Williamsburg.

Massive turnout, the first group photos of the mustache class of '05 look pretty damn sweet/scary. We also managed to get eight of us into the photo booth for 4 more shots. Mustache Mitch's efforts, acrobatically attached to the ceiling of the booth, were wasted as he was not in any of them.

Speculation was rife about the mustache competition on Thursday 15th. 40-45 growers are expected to compete, which is a logistical nightmare and raises questions about elimination. What grounds will people be cut on? What are the judges going to be directed to look for? Costume has been a large part of previous competitions, but will it be so this time? Bottom line, the M4K crew aren't talking. There is a veil of secrecy over the whole event. Mustache Agnes(who designed the m4k t-shirt)would not even reveal the color of this year's t-shirt, nor a single one of the rounds in the stache-bash.

These are some details I was able to get:
The competition will be hosted by Mustache Andy - Mustache King from 2003. Mustache Mitch will also not be competing this year and will be playing some role in the hosting.
I also happened upon an M4K notice in NonsenseNYC. This suggested that old favorite rounds like the mustache face off and beer foam retention would be playing a part, but that there might also be a test of how the stache feels.
I believe the t-shirt may be "multicolored",but as to the design or theme, we can only guess.

So to costumes. This is pure speculation, but the M4Ks may be trying to level the playing field so that growers without costumes are not disadvantaged. Even if this is true I don't think there is any harm in helping the judges to see the stache in its best light. However, and I can't stress this enough, it is important not to try to impose a look upon the mustache. Don't live vicariously through your stache. Let it decide what costume, if any, it needs. Let's look at some case studies:


'04 Mustache Mitch. The stache said midwest, it said hunter and Mitch listened. Mitch has a larger mustache bed than a lot of the growers and this really suggested a mature, old school look. While this is actually a very versatile mustache, this is an excellent example of one way to use it.


Mustache Josh. Josh's stache channelled Kabob seller. He had the wit to follow it. In an excellent use of props, he was actually eating a kabob through the first 3 rounds.


Stache Pirate. A supreme example. You can just make out the letters M.U.S.T on Pirate's left hand. He didn't realize that the two halves of "mustache" would read "MUST" and "ACHE" on his knuckles until his stache told him to write it there.


BAD! David Hasslehoff is trying to impose the look of Michael Knight's evil twin and nemesis, Garth Knight, with this stache(and patch). Yes, 100,000 Germans can be wrong.

Status: moist

I suppose you think that a mustache just looks great on its own, huh? Actually, it's exceptionally unlikely that you do think that. Whatever. I'm here to disabuse you of whatever preconceptions you may or may not have had.

Mustaches can sometimes not look their best if neglected; Mustache Mitch trimmed his mustache in only the second week and the effect was entirely impressive. Staches can also itch, hurt(as Mustache Jake mentioned to me), or smell(Mustache Ben complained of this). I can't say that the hurting or smelling are shared experiences, but every man's growing experience is different and valid. See Stachers Ben, Mitch and Jake in the M4K Gallery.

My regular mustache care usually just involves brushing with an old toothbrush. It's tried and trusted and it saw me solidly through last year. However, I just tried something a little more thorough and I rather like results.

First: Using liquid soap and the aforementioned toothbrush, lather up and scrub till it hurts with hot water...

This not only cleanses the mustacheal area, but the heat and brushing serve to stimulate the hair folicles and stir the little buggers into action. Also, I have no proof for this, I believe that hairs can sometimes get stuck on their way out. Agitating then a little helps to get them unclogged so that they can slide easily out of your face.

Apart from the pain of scrubbing your face, this feels very natural. It's just like brushing your teeth but a bit higher up and outside your mouth.

Second: Dry the mustache carefully. If using a hair dryer, you have to be careful not to heat-damage those precious hairs. The people on L'Oreal commercials tell me this can lead to breakage.

Third: Apply a skin moisturizer and rub it in with the fingers.

Here I'm using Nivea Q10 Moisturizing lotion. Apparently it has skin firming properties. I figure, if you take care of the skin the mustache will take care of itself.

Forth: Admire your slightly greasy looking stache.


It's probably best to do this before bed rather than in the morning. I'm perceived as untrustworthy enough without my stache being all shiny in public.

Just keepin y'all in the loop. Definitely come along to the next checkpoint bar on Thursday. They have a PBR windmill.

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Greetings Growers and Mustache Enthusiasts,

Well, we're more than halfway there, "there" being the sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that comes with growing a sweet Mustache for four weeks.
"There" also being the warm cuddly feeling associated with raising money for a good cause. To that end, we hope that you Growers are knocking on doors, kissing babies (gently, as they have sensitive skin), and doing whatever else you do to solicit donations for the Chldren's Hospital of New Orleans.

*** This week's Checkpoint will be held on THURSDAY, DECEMBER 8 at 8pm at the BUSHWICK COUNTRY CLUB in Williamsburg (618 Grand, between Leonard and Lorimer). It's not exactly a country club, but we hear they have mini golf in the backyard. This is your last chance before the Sweetest Stache Competition to mingle with Growers and supporters. Our previous Checkpoints have been overwhelming successes. Our upper lip community has become a cohesive team, and our collective power and handsomeness is turning heads like, well, something that turns heads.

Thursday, per mustache growing rules, is also the day that all Growers, even those that don't attend the Checkpoint, must shave their faces clean, except for the sacred area between the nose and upper lip. For those of you who need extra motivation or grooming tips, check out our newly updated Grower Gallery:

http://www.m4kny.org/resources/growers.cfm

There, you will find photos of our participants and you will get a tingly feeling knowing that you are part of such a team. The Mustache is, indeed, greater than the sum of its hairs.

And we must, once again, remind everyone that our SWEETEST STACHE COMPETITION will be held on THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15 at 8PM. The sweetness will be on display at FONTANA'S (105 Eldridge, between Broome and Grand). We'll be selling the uber-stylish 2005 edition of the M4K t-shirt and dispensing all sorts of Mustache cheer. If you attend one Mustache-related event this year, make it this one. You won't be disappointed. Spread the word. Spread the Stache.

The momentum of our undertaking has taken on a life of its own, so there's not much more we can say this week other than keep up the good work. We will send out one more email reminding you about the Sweetest Stache Competition.
GROWERS: be sure to check your email next week, as our next correspondence will contain important information about the procedures and regulations that govern the Competition.

Word to your Mustache,
M4K

PS. We received an email from Grower Andrew that we thought we should pass along to all of you:

I will be growing my moustache [sic] live with my band, the Golf and Racquet Club at Southpaw next Friday, December 9th at 10 pm. I'll have a Moustaches [sic] for Kids donation Jar next to the merchandise table and I'll announce the charity on stage. It would be great if other growers wanted to get some donations that night - plus I'll sing one entitled "Moustache and Teethe."


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Mustaches for Kids New York
Benefitting children's charities since 1999 www.m4kny.org
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